


coexist, ya bastards.

by orphan_account



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alpha Choi Jongho, Alpha Jeong Yunho, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Werewolves Are Known, Beta Kang Yeosang, Crack, Idols, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Song Mingi, Talk Shows, Vampire Bites, Vampire!San, Vampires, Werewolf Culture, Werewolves, clownery, not beta read we die like men, vampire!Hongjoong, vampire!Seonghwa, vampire!Wooyoung, variety show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-03
Updated: 2020-01-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:01:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22090744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Idol-ing was one profession out of many that was long reserved for humans. But, as the times change, more and more companies are integrating mutant werewolf and vampire members into their ranks in attempts to diversify (a.k.a. get the canine/vamp dollar). Some of the newer groups of the newest generation of K-pop have pushed the boundary even further, being all mutants... ATEEZ is one of those groups. They go on a talk show to answer all the questions that have been thrown their way, and share funny, crack-headish anecdotes while busting myths. It's a fun time; cool beanz.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 121





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> every time i say i'm leaving rpf i do some bullshit like this smh

ATEEZ stand off the corners of the staged set, anxiously waiting for their glitzy introduction. This was their first time actually on a talk show, and they were here to do discreet promotion by showing off their personality and fangs.

Yes, fangs. Because half of the group were dogs and the other half were bloodsucking demons, allegedly.

They were here to shed light on their rapid success and quell the odd—but, cough, _true_ —rumors of them being ‘supernaturals.’ Despite everyone telling them to calm down and just laugh along with the script and keep the jokes on a PG-13 level, they were still on edge. The public still received supernaturals in a very mixed manner, and the boys were young and very vulnerable to online heat.

“Hello, wonderful viewers!” A joyous female voice shouts with a boisterous wave and accented Korean.

“We’re your hosts, Lee Seoknam and Gigi Bae here with the hottest new rookies, ATEEZ!” The equally jovial man introduces with a glinting smile to the camera.

 _‘Just share funny stories. Everybody loves a good laugh,’_ Hongjoong smiles, remembering the advice of one of the PDs. He smiles as he takes a seat at the large table, followed by the rest of the members.

Immediately, he sees the male host, prominent comedian and recently out-of-the-closet alpha werewolf, Lee Seoknam twitch his nose at all of the conflicting scents. He smiles anyways, quickly getting used to it.

“It’s a pleasure to have you guys here with us,” he greets with a nod. “How about you introduce yourselves to our viewers.”

Hongjoong, ever the ball of nervous energy, jumps a little when he waves to camera #3 and says, “Hello, I’m ATEEZ’s leader and vampire captain, Hongjoong. Please give us lots of love!”

They go down the line with each of the boys adding their own saucy flair to their introduction.

“I’m Mingi. Also known as Princess Minky. Also known as the full-time rapper, part-time werewolf.”

Hongjoong throws the kid heart eyes.

Seonghwa gives a closed-mouth smile after he says his name and the female host makes a comment, saying he looked like the nation’s boyfriend. If he could blush, he would’ve. Thank goodness for his deadened blood though.

“I’m Yeosang. Founding father of Hehetmon. Unexpected wolf.”

“I’m Wooyoung, the super sexy vampire of your dreams.” Of course, him barely being able to control his fangs, accidentally extends them and almost bites his lower lip off, _un-sexily._

“Ew, stop flirting with the camera!” San immediately teases, doing a full body cringe despite wearing a goofy smile. The rest fall into a brief mess of laughter before the long introduction train continues chugging.

“I’m Yunho, main dancer; and biggest, _puppiest_ member of ATEEZ.” He beams. If he had a tail it would most definitely wag. Seonghwa’s half sure he can see his butt wiggling in his seat even from his position. The elder snorts.

“You know _Hallasan._ You know _Seoraksan,_ ” San starts boldly, and three distinct groans could be heard nearby. “And now you know me, Choi San.”

“Oh, bravo! Clever!” Gigi remarks with a clap of her hands.

He smiles proudly at her, before making a face at the other members.

“I’m the main vocalist and youngest of our group, Jongho.” He smiles cutely at the camera, _aegyo_ unintended. “And I’m a werewolf. Woof.”

“Okay so now that you all have introduced yourselves, we’ve got to talk about how much you’ve accomplished in such a short time span. You recently got your first win, too, so congratulations on that! But also you’ve already amassed a relatively large following for being… like a _baby group,”_ Seoknam praises. “It’s really impressive. I bet it takes a lot of hard work. Since you’re moving up like this, Hongjoong, do you have any specific goals in mind for the future?”

“I, uh, want to go to international events and have our music be known by everyone. It’d be really cool if the president listened to our songs,” he immediately giggled after he says it, but Mingi slings and arm over his shoulder, swaying him and yelling about world domination.

Seoknam concurs, saying, “Yes, well I think ATEEZ has the ability to become worldwide sensations like that of BTS and Monsta X.”

“Yep, and now that you’ve introduced yourself to the Korean public as supernaturals, you know everybody’s curious. So this episode it’s all about getting to know ATEEZ. We’re going to play a game where we’ll,” the woman gestures up to a large screen on one of the walls, “randomly select a member’s name and it’ll pop up on that screen. You all will tell us an interesting or funny story or TMI about that person till we knock out all eight. Sound fun?”

“Yeah!” The boys cheer.

There’s an ominous golden buzzer button on the table by the hosts which they had just now noticed; and Gigi makes a show of smashing it with her fist for the computer to makes its first randomized selection.

**_KANGYEOSANG._ **

“Aw,” Yeosang hides his nervous smile behind his hands. “Bye-bye reputation. I hardly knew you.”

Mingi snaps his fingers, ready to expose the poor boy.

“Ah, I remember one! Okay, so—”

“Please, no,” Yeosang prays. “Nothing embarrassing.”

“Yes,” Mingi laughs, baritone. “So, Yeosang is a beta wolf, right? They’re the rarer ones, so they get the cool gray eyes—it’s really pretty, his eyes. But their sense of smell is weaker. Still stronger than a human’s and a vampire’s, but weaker than an alpha or omega’s. Well, Yeosangie has these weird times where his sense of smell kind of fades all together and as terrible as that is for a werewolf, it’s incredibly cute.”

“How so?” Gigi, the human host, asks.

“Oh my God!” Yeosang groans miserably.

“He just gets really clingy and cuddly. It’s really cute,” Yunho added.

“I was working out one time and hyung kept following me and being all sulky, so I literally incorporated him into my workout,” Jongho laughs like it was oh-so-hysterical, “I had to lift him while he was being dead weight and I’m pretty sure he was scenting me the whole time so that I’d smell like him later.”

“Because when I regain my scent the last thing I’d want to smell is a sweaty Jongho, duh,” Yeosang defends half-heartedly. “Stop bullying me.”

“No, but seriously. Humans don’t get it but scenting is like a whole bonding experience. Losing sense of smell as a werewolf is like losing a limb. It’s, like, how we identify each other and read each other’s emotions and stuff. It goes really deep,” Mingi was sort of dense at times, but if there was one thing he had encyclopedic knowledge on—it was werewolf dynamics and culture. His parents taught him to be proud of his heritage and he was. “We make these jokes about it but when it last more than five hours, we all kind of smother him with hugs.”

“Yeah, even me. _Especially_ me, actually! Seeing my best friend of four years so upset was never it, you know. So I have to do _something.”_ Wooyoung chimes, and Yeosang snorts because of his wording. “But then the next day he acts like all of that never even happened and he’s back to sending shots at us and being all… sideways.”

Yeosang rolls his eyes and stays quiet, having no rebuttal to that.

“You also mentioned betas having unique eyes?”

“Yeah. Most people have dark brown eyes but every beta wolf I’ve met has gray, including myself. I got it from my dad, who is also a beta. My mom’s an alpha.” Yeosang explained before begging, “Can we stop talking about me now?”

It was only fun when it was other people.

Duh.

The hosts tittered, and after the camera zooms into Yeosang’s face for him to do three cool poses—a sorry excuse to see his exotic eye color—Gigi banged on the buzzer again, selecting another random member.

**_JUNGWOOYOUNG._ **

“Oh no!” He singsonged cartoonishly. “That’s me!”

“Oh my gosh! Let me tell it!” Yunho jumps, hand raised like a student, while he still wiggled around in his seat. “This is kind of about… all of the vampies, but still.”

“Oh my God, I know where you’re going with this,” Hongjoong inhales sharply. “Don’t share that one!”

“Now we _have_ to know! Is it safe for a public broadcast?” Seoknam asked warily.

Yunho shrugged. “I mean, it’s got _blood._ But we’re talking about _vampies_ here.”

“Why do you pronounce it like that?” Seoknam finally lets out his suppressed chuckle.

Yunho’s eyebrows raise and his ears seemingly perk up—he really did have the most dog-like personality out of all the beasts— “Like what?”

“He doesn’t know,” Seonghwa whispers. Mingi chokes on his spit, laughing right next to him.

“Wooyoung, here, and all of the other vampies get blood donations by our lovely KQ staff. They’ve been feeding them since they were teens, ‘cause even when Wooyoung tried to hide his leech-y nature, the black veins don’t lie,” Yunho suddenly raised up Wooyoung’s arm, showing off the black blood that pumped through his veins, arteries, and arterioles alike. Vampires were very much alive, but their black blood gave them unique anti-aging advantages despite looking gross as hell. “Anyway, one hairstylist noona had found him on the brink of passing out one time despite eating a full meal just an hour before, and she started this whole KQ blood drive. She’s really nice and smart. What is it, _‘A bag of blood a day keeps the bloodlust at bay,’_ or something like that?”

“Wow…” Seonghwa says, feeling a bit scandalized. “Wow…”

Hongjoong just shakes his red head.

 _“No,”_ Wooyoung whines, snatching his arm back before correcting. “It’s ‘One pint tonight and the rest of the month’s alright.’ We don’t drink daily!”

Yunho just smiles and points to his teeth, “Your fangs dropped again.”

Wooyoung makes a face at him. “Meanie.”

How sexy could you really be with no control over your fangs, though?

“But like I was saying, at the dorms, there are usually four labelled pints, chilling in our fridge. Wooyoung’s favorite blood type is type A, and I _hate_ that I know that because _I’m_ type A.” Everybody cackles at his expense and Yunho awkwardly kekes along. “Anyways, I basically spilled all the blood—don’t ask how—and all of the vampies spazzed. It wasn’t funny back then, but it’s funny now. In hindsight.”

“No, they went full savage,” Jongho added all wide-eyed and awestruck. “They’re the most peaceful vampires I’ve ever seen, but… just never play with their blood supply.”

“Well, in our defense, we couldn’t just ask our noonas for more. We didn’t want to drain them out. And it’s just like how you all get emotional without your scent, I think. We get reckless.” Wooyoung says. “That monthly supply is a necessity.”

“Dude,” San shoots him a thumbs up, “you made us sound really cool!”

“Or really scary,” Seonghwa snorts before clarifying, “I promise, we’re nice boys.”

“I just wish more blood banks catered to vampires. We’re _dying_ out here,” Hongjoong jokes dryly.

“Bah-dum-tsssh.” San.

“Yeah, please. Because I don’t ever want to see Wooyoung lick all the A-neg off the kitchen floor again.”

Wooyoung jumps up, fangs extended—accidentally—as he shouts, “Hey! You didn’t have to expose me that bad!”

“I’ll be fair and expose San, too. He cried when Seonghwa mopped it up and when he was wringing it out I’m pretty sure he had a cup in his hand.”

“I was really, really thirsty!”

“You were hangry!” Mingi corrected.

“Stay out of this, you baby!”

“San and Wooyoung ended up drinking from me and I was out of commission for three days.”

_“What!”_

“Wait a _dam—darn_ —minute!”

“Did you _curse?”_

“No ma’am!”

“Yes, you _did,_ Seoknam—Oh my _f—”_

The interviewing duo collectively lose their marbles, and Yunho can smell the viewership going up.

“You let two vampires drink out of you _at once?”_

“They drank out your _neck?”_

 _“Venom_ and all? Shouldn’t you have turned?”

 _“No wonder_ you were knocked out for three days!”

“Ah, wait, wait, wait! It’s his _phrasing_ ,” San chuckles nervously. Hongjoong watches him try to dig himself out of the hole the fluffy alpha created. “Wooyoung and I got _permission_ and drank out of his arms! Vampire venom is definitely real but there’s two types. This is why they need vampire bio in public schools. My mom taught me about this. One type is a tranq and the other type is like, to spread the vampire bug.”

“Like rabies.”

“Yeah, like rabies—wait, no!”

“I don’t know. Rabies induces biting and it’s spread by spit; sounds awfully similar,” Gigi jokes.

Hongjoong gives a half-cry.

“It’s not rabies!”

Even though vampirism technically was an ancient ‘disease,’ and was kind of a brother-condition to rabies.

They—the humans—technically weren’t wrong for calling a spade a spade, but the condition didn’t have enough negative effects on the body to be bad. It upgraded from a disease to a whole gene; and if that isn’t a glow up, Hongjoong doesn’t know what is!

“Anyways we numbed him before we drank and pampered him with sweets right after to raise his blood sugar.”

San and Wooyoung halfway lied—they definitely drank from him raw, no numbing agent present, because they were bitter he spilled their blood packs in the first place but… nobody wanted to frighten the human majority with the gory details. What goes on in the dorms, stays in the dorms… mostly.

“Anyways, I haven’t drank out of any of our members’ necks and I don’t plan to.” Wooyoung shrugged coolly. “It’s not my forte.”

“But I thought sexy was your forte?” Seoknam reminds him.

Wooyoung has an epiphany. He gasps. “You got me there.”

The hot button is pressed again and this time—

**_CHOIJONGHO._ **

“Oh, this is ‘bout to be gold!” San squeals.

“There was that time he kept following me around…” Mingi chimes. “He was kind of a late bloomer but everybody kinda figured he would be an alpha, and we were all right. Still, he’s really just a buff puppy… When he first presented, he would not stop following me. If I went left, he went left; if I went right, he went right. At first I was annoyed, and I asked him why he kept following me, and he didn’t even have a reason why. I pretty much had him wrapped around my finger, and it was awesome. He’s usually not all soft on us, but he was really a baby at that time. Oh! And I even figured out why he was following me so much.”

Yunho’s smile beams ultraviolet! As an alpha, he knew what was up, but he found it entertaining to watch young Jongho realize it for himself. It wouldn’t have been as bad if he presented at the ‘right time,’ at sixteen, like everyone else.

Jongho wore a phony smile as if it’d distract from his reddening face.

He still glimmered as he pleaded, “Hyung, please stop talking.”

No one listened. In fact, Seonghwa took it upon himself to jump in.

“When I found out I was going to be the hyung to a bunch of _wolf children_ I took it upon myself to buy a few books written by werewolves. I got ‘So Your Best Friend’s a Wolf’ and ‘Adopted Werewolf Children: For Dummies.’ There was a huge chunk dedicated strictly to alpha male development—especially with the mental stuff—and basically it said alpha males find omega scents extremely attractive. Like no matter what. It’s like, therapeutic… magnetic.”

Seonghwa could never be that _weak-in-the-knees_ for anything… except maybe the music… and some savory blood. But that’s a different thing entirely!

“It’s true. My wife’s an omega and her scent was the first thing I noticed on her when we first met. Even with Mingi, I could spot him from a mile away.” Seoknam admits.

Mingi snorts. Jongho whines.

“I feel like I need to hit something. Or cry. Do you guys have any grapefruits in the back?”

Gigi looks at him dumbly. “Whaaaat.”

“Mingi smells like…”

“Just really good. For _no reason_. It’s frustrating.” Jongho expresses pitifully, “And when Yeosang-hyung imprints on him, they smell good _combined._ Even Yunho-hyung. I just—sometimes it gets to be a sensory overload, even more, with the vampires there too—it almost feels like being onstage. It’s like, what did Han call it? A runner’s high?”

“It’s _that_ good?” Hongjoong leans forward, interest piqued.

He’s never heard Jongho speak so reverently about anything other than singing. Whenever they brought up his ‘stupid canine hormones,’ as he called it, he’d brush it off. The conversation was awkward with a vampire who only had a shark nose for blood; and it was even more awkward on national television.

Jongho nods. “I don’t know why or how. It just is.”

Seonghwa withheld the fact that young alphas were more likely to fall into random ruts when faced with enticing scents. He also withheld the fact that it happened to Jongho and the poor boy locked himself in a room with his right hand for half a week because ew. Not PG-13.

“I don’t blame him, Mingi and I smell the best out of everyone here,” Yeosang claims boldly.

“What does a human being smell like?” Gigi queries.

Seoknam serves her a less-than-impressed sound. “Meh.”

She hits him. “Seriously?”

Jongho shrugs and Yeosang elaborates. “They smell… fleshy. Regular. Their smell doesn’t stand out like a vampire’s and individual human beings don’t have as much variety as werewolves’.”

“Well that’s lame. Someone once told me I smelled like a bonfire.”

“Huh?” San choked.

“Gigi, did you bump your head?” Seoknam pokes at her.

She slams the button.

**_KIMHONGJOONG._ **

“Vampire morning breath is toxic.”

Yeosang had said it with so much poise and class that Hongjoong almost wasn’t mad.

“No more Scooby Snacks for you,” he grumbles.

“That’s racist,” Seonghwa grumbles back.

“They drink blood as a form of sustenance. I’m surprised no one else has ever brought this up.” He continues. “It smells dead. And… I’ll just say this… Seonghwa and San drink more often than Wooyoung and Hongjoong-hyung do. So take that how you will.”

Hongjoong cackles evilly, poking fun at the other two as if it weren’t circling back to him anyways. “Ha! Your breath stinks!”

“Whatever, people say I have a Colgate smile and we have a year’s supply of industrial vampire toothpaste.” Seonghwa remained unbothered.

“Industrial toothpaste?” Seoknam gaped at them.

Yeosang continues to flame them, no Cheeto. “Oh yeah, that’s a thing. I think the vamps finally noticed how bad they were making us werewolves suffer when they used regular toothpaste.”

“It has a bunch of substances I can’t pronounce, but it works!” Wooyoung notes loudly, puckering his lips. “Atiny, I hope you still find me sexy after this. He’s really trashing my rep!”

“It’s not even about you. Unless, you want it to be,” Yeosang blinks at him innocently. Wooyoung knew better than to fall for those eyes and rapidly shook his head. “One day, while filming a reality show, Hongjoong-hyung had to wake us all up and prompt us with a mission. When I tell you…” he bursts into a fit of giggles, “his breath was _rocking._ It smelled like a butcher’s shop. Or like he licked a crime scene clean. We were overseas, so he splurged on European blood banks the night before. The next morning was a mess.”

“Are you done?” Hongjoong inquired flatly.

None of the vampires look even _a crumb_ of impressed and that makes it all the more hilarious to the canine clan.

“Needless to say, I did not wake up.”

Yunho howled with laughter after that remark.

Gigi clapped a hand over her mouth, using the other one to love-tap on the button.

**_JEONGYUNHO._ **

“For Yunho-hyung, you just can’t play in his hair—”

“What is this? Wolf-on-wolf crime?” Yunho snickers at the maknae. “Betrayer.”

“It’s true. The hyungs know I like messing around in people’s hair, and I like paying attention to what the stylists are doing so I can try to imitate it myself sometimes. One time, Yunho was my mannequin, because he was right there—”

“You make me sound like a lazy bum,” Yunho laments sadly.

“We were in between recordings. We just finished our turns, and we were on the couch, listening to Sannie-hyung, I think. He was super tired and laid his head on my lap, and my hands had nowhere to go _but_ his hair.” Jongho asserted.

Yunho begged to differ; and he still wore his killing smile, which made it better. “Not really, but… go crazy, go stupid, I guess.”

“I literally did nothing special, just ruffled it and teased it a bit and boom—his leg starts twitching like a bunny.” Jongho says, like it was the most magical thing he’s seen out of Yunho—it wasn’t; the dude was known for actual magic tricks. “It freaked me out at first, but I just assumed it was my imagination and continued like normal. His leg was still kicking! It was thumping against the couch like a huge… _tail!_ A true golden retriever, this guy!”

Yunho’s face goes beet red, and it gets redder when he sees the way Wooyoung and San stare at him and the new presence of blood. Hongjoong snorts behind his hand.

“When the hairstylists are doing my hair, I kind of just… force myself to calm down,” he admits, and then he starts bouncing around again just at the thought, “But I can’t help it when I’m around friends; it makes me feel so happy!”

Elated, even.

“Ah, that’s adorable,” the lady coos, maternal instincts jumping _out_ for this six-foot top-of-the-food-chain shapeshifting apex predator. “That’s cute. Real cute.”

“Ah, yeah,” Yunho grins bashfully, face still blazing hot. He fans himself.

Damn his incriminating blush!

“Ah, well, onto the next victim! You guys are spectacular at betraying each other!”

“Wait! Can I press the button, please?” Yunho requests. He’d been looking at it each time and the excitement of having that much control over something had really riled up his alpha. He shows off his pretty, pearly, humanoid chompers. “Please?”

Seoknam and Gigi shrug before they slide the button across the expansive table with all the ATEEZ boys’ eyes following, and the werewolf stops it smoothly before bringing his hand down with so much vigor and enthusiasm, it was tangible.

Jongho warns ironically, “Sheesh, alpha boy, don’t break it!”

**_SONGMINGI._ **

“I’m confident. I’m perfect; an angel. Everybody loves me.”

Hongjoong snorts, “You’re awfully confident.”

“Too confident,” Yeosang whispers.

“Come on! You all love me! What’s an ATEEZ without Song Mingi?”

“Don’t worry, Mingi. I still… tolerate you,” San shades, before giggling with fangs out and all. Mingi pouts and he innocently shouts that he was just playing.

Jongho claps his hands as he chortles beautifully.

“I remember this time where Mingi growled out _loud_ —I don’t remember what for—but he was really sensitive that day. Yunho and Jongho went all alpha mode and kept everyone at a distance from him until he was a happy Mingi again. The whole dorm was flooded with their scent. It smelled so tense, for no reason. I think it’s just because we’re young and moody. Regardless, Wooyoung heard the growl and he responded with a hiss, just off instinct,” Yeosang shared.

“It’s kind of a taboo, I guess, to openly growl, especially in the presence of… different groups of people. It makes us look more aggressive than we actually feel. Mingi wasn’t about to pounce on anyone—not like he could,” Jongho snorts, “I think he was just going through… things. He’s over it now though. It’s always like that, once a year.”

Pre-heat mood swings. Gotta love ‘em. Mingi’s just glad he couldn’t get pregnant like female omegas; so he immediately sexed it out of his system. Hongjoong even offered to get him high off vampire venom to distract from the occasional pains—it was great; he was walking on sunshine.

“It’s the same for us, too. We even have to be careful of the way we laugh because apparently vampires sound ‘hissy.’” Seonghwa recalled. “Once when I was younger, some grandma had said I laughed like a vampire. I was seven. At a supermarket with my mom. She didn’t know how right she was…”

“Mingi had gotten scared by Wooyoung’s hiss and had him do his chores for a week as a means of apology.” Hongjoong spoke. “I kind of felt bad for him.”

“I wasn’t scared!”

“You were.”

“Hyung, I wasn’t!”

“And it’s even more hilarious because you once said _‘we vampires’_ in a song!” Hongjoong claps his hands, laughing with his entire being.

The whole set seemed to erupt into a fit of teary-eyed giggles. Mingi himself laughed at the awkward mess he was thrown in.

It was kind of funny.

Very funny.

Then Mingi accidentally growls again—a low rumble from deep in his throat that would fool any human into thinking he’s a lean, mean killing machine—and the whole set quiets, staring.

Everybody bursts out with noises of amusement moments later.

“Hey, last two!” Yunho teases, “Could it be Sannie, or could it be Seonghwa-hyung? Hm, let’s see!”

San or Seonghwa?

Seonghwa or San?

(The world may never know.)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally got my brain cells together yall !!

San or Seonghwa?

Seonghwa or San?

“My goodness! We are so sorry for that mishap! We were having a few technical difficulties,” the male host explains.

Their show suddenly cut off because apparently someone had tripped over a wire of the main computer that connected to all the cameras. There was the sound of elevator music automatically set up to compensate for the dark screen viewers saw; and it gave them time to soak in the information they had just received about the young, unorthodox musicians. Their household was a bloody mess, in the most literal sense, and this technical difficulty gave people at home time to digest what they’d heard thus far. 

“Yes, but thanks to our great tech team, we’re back on air. You can blame us going past our time limit with this special episode,” Seoknam continued with a paternal laugh. The ATEEZ boys chuckles as well. “Okay then Yunho,” the boy’s hand was eagerly hovering over the button. “I see you’re really itching to press that button.”

Yunho’s hand twitched and he beamed. His shoulders shook happily when he breathed, “Can I?”

“Do the honors.”

Yunho damn near broke the button of course, because he didn’t know his own strength—unlike their youngest, Jongho, who knew _exactly_ how much power he held, and how to use it.

“Oh, it’s gonna be one of the _vampies._ ”

The others snorted, but they all seemed to immediately clasp hands on their mouths at the blond’s befuddled expression. Nobody had the gall to tell Yunho he was mispronouncing ‘vampire’; it was too cute. And too much of an inside joke to not crack up at.

The unlucky man—

_**CHOISAN.** _

“Aw, man. Aw, man.” He whines coquettishly. 

“Hm. What can we say about Sannie-hyung...” Jongho wonders aloud, “that our Atinys don’t already know?”

San smirked, relieved sigh coming from his lips. As crazy as he was, there was a method to his madness—they had no dirt on him, and if they did, it was so outlandish that it wasn’t fit for a public broadcast. He was in the clear.

“Yes!” He whispers victoriously to himself, celebrating.

That is, until Wooyoung backstabbed him with a wooden stake.

“San has a nasty eating habit that’s a thousand times worse than me licking blood off the floor,” he said. “Watching him eat is like witnessing a true freak of nature.” Wooyoung shudders for dramatic effect. San understands being considered a freak of nature by _normies,_ but by his fellow freak? C’mon! He buries his face in his hands as his bestie exposes him between uncontrollable fits of lisp-laced vampire giggles. “Oh my God. Okay. You know how Beyoncé-nim said she had hot sauce in her bag, swag?”

“Bey... _Beyoncé-nim._ ” Gigi bit back her smile. “Beyoncé-nim. Swag.”

“Yes? What’s that got to do with San?” Seoknam carefully asked.

“Well, I think San heard that and got inspired one day because he actually routinely carries blood in a sauce bottle to season his food—I mean, he uses it as a condiment! It’s his salad dressing, his salsa, he spices up his _tteokbokki_ and _bulgolgi_ with it! It’s super awkward to eat out with him—Sangie, you remember, right?” Wooyoung suddenly drags the other 99er into it. 

“I don’t even know where he keeps it. He never carries a bag... He’s just... ready,” the beta wolf recalls, mortified. “He whipped it out at a chicken restaurant once and I had to go.”

“It’s far too much far too quick,” Yunho added, a bit embarrassed. “He’s like Doraemon. He has magical cartoon pockets for his ‘ketchup,’” the blond wolf throws up air quotes.

“And he can’t even be discreet about it either,” Hongjoong criticizes before turning to the hosts with a smile. “You know how you squeeze ketchup out and it sounds like a fart? Imagine hearing that in an ice-cream parlor!”

The hosts cackle, banging on the table with unfiltered laughter, professionalism be damned!

“You all give great reactions.” Seonghwa noted with an impressed snort.

“When we were trainees, I had a little money in my pocket so I decided to treat everyone to ice-cream. It was unimaginably hot. I mean scorching! And I already have a sunlight sensitivity, so I was kind of irritated; but we could endure it for ice-cream...” Hongjoong pauses. “Tell me why this guy orders a vanilla with chocolate and caramel drizzle with gummy bears on top, only to pull out his ketchup bottle and top it off with some AB from a stylist hyung! We all looked like—”

“Like some loons, like we cosigned his funny eating.” Mingi offered. “The aunties were probably thinking ‘what idiot pours ketchup into his ice-cream.’”

“Probably a ‘poor kid’ and a ‘bless his heart’ too.” Jongho wheezes. “Maybe even a ‘he’s not right.’”

“Ah, Mingi,” Seonghwa suddenly remembers the day with eidetic clarity. “He was like, giving San the meanest mug ever.”

“Oh, I remember! He had a fit! Said he ruined ice-cream!” Wooyoung yells.

“Oh, my gosh! We can forget about it now,” San’s words seemed like a demand but his demeanor was that of a beggar. Or someone on the losing end of a fight. Or on the verge of tears. He grumbles under his breath a bit defiantly, ruffling his off-colored hair, “I’m still gonna do it. I’m gonna do my thing regardless.”

“Jesus Christ, San. You’re one funny guy,” Gigi commented.

San spoke in pout, justifying himself in a way that kind of made sense. Sorta. 

“I like to spread my complementary pint over the whole month, instead of scarfing it down in one sitting like these... these... ruffians!”

Gigi decided to have a little fun, teasing, “That was the most archaic thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Choi San, are you sure you’re not born in 1799?”

Seoknam singsonged in the background, “Joseon Dynasty!”

“That’s a myth.” Seonghwa quietly fact-checked. Vampires lifespans were just slightly longer than humans. Really slight. The average South Korean clocked out at around 82; for vampires, it was 142.

See? Not that big a difference. Just an extra generation. And it’s only because vampires couldn’t die from natural ailments like disease or deteriorating bones and muscles. They literally had to kill themselves or get killed. Whatcha gonna do?

It took a lot of special circumstances to end a supernatural creature’s life.

“I was born in 1999! Emphasis on the nineteen!” San squeals with his hands up, denying vehemently.

Seonghwa mentally prepared himself for his exposé and Yunho clicked the button just for old time’s sake despite everyone already knowing who was going next.

**_PARKSEONGHWA._ **

Said young man licked his lips.

Hongjoong caught the nervous tick and had a tea-spilling glint in his eye. 

It was scary.

“Um.”

“Seonghwa has really sharp teeth.”

“Mine are sharp too.” Yunho adds with the same energy as a dejected child.

Hongjoong consoles him with a simple word. “We know, baby.”

A blushy Yunho keeps quiet.

These were the world’s most fearsome apex predators. 

Softies. 

_Kids._

“Does he have the sharpest out of all of you?” Seoknam inquired curiously. “I know his can’t be sharper than mine,” the seasoned alpha bares his elongated fangs momentarily before retracting them back to their normal length.

“Yeah. Yunho has the sharpest of our werewolves but Seonghwa’s are sharpest overall. It’s crazy because he has, like, vegetarian teeth... in his relaxed state.” Hongjoong said. 

“Vegetarian teeth?”

“Yeah,” Mingi agreed with a hum before listing off his favorite vegetarian animals. “Vegetarian teeth. Like koalas and giraffes.”

Jongho chimes. “Seonghwa-hyung has herbivore teeth. Dragon teeth. But cartoon dragons, not like folklore dragons. His teeth are perfect and straight and nonthreatening for the most part and you really wouldn’t know he’s a vampire if he was just talking to you. That is, if you didn’t notice his black veins.”

“Yeah, and unlike Wooyoung he can control when his fangs drop,” San teases vengefully.

“Hey!”

San kicked with joy. “Pfft-hahaha! They dropped again!”

Wooyoung groaned.

“My point is that Seonghwa has magic teeth,” Hongjoong summarizes. “Werewolves bond a lot with biting, right? Well vampires do that too. When we first became friends... like _actual_ friends, we made a blood pact.”

“What in the pagan ritual?”

“We just drank from each other... It’s not that deep. It just... confirms the friendship, mostly. It makes it more solid.”

The human woman was shocked. “Not that dee—”

“What do vampires gain from drinking from each other though? Surely, you’d still be hungry.”

“Yeah, but it has its perks. It tasted like white chocolate.” Hongjoong shrugs.

“But it’s black.” Seonghwa comments offhand. “Even I think it’s a little weird.”

“Long story short he had his teeth lodged in my shoulder for a half hour... I think it was wedged between bone.” 

Hongjoong said like it was so casual, and not at all the emotionally-charged, tension-filled, deep mess of chaos and apologies it really was.

_(“Seonghwa! Are you kidding me? How did you manage to fuck this up?”_

_“Mm-mmf,” the other replied, stuck to Hongjoong like a vacuum powered suction. He gave a struggle apology, inky blood dripping off the corners of his mouth and down Hongjoong’s back._

_“Are you—Are you still drinking? Oh my God. Never again, Hwaseong,” Hongjoong swore with a facepalm before the unit trudge off to Jongho so he could dislodge them.)_

“How’d you get it out?” The two adult hosts genuinely looked disgusted, but still oddly curious and drawn to the topic; like a kid watching porn for the first time.

Hongjoong wishes he was joking when he exhales. “Prayers. And our maknae.”

“Want to know what’s crazy? You’re not the only one who that’s happened too. Seonghwa-hyung is a fiend.”

“Hey, you make me sound like some pervy weirdo... You literally asked me to bite you, San.” Seonghwa complained.

“Sorry, but. Meh. I thought you knew what you were doing. Keep your teeth and your tongue in your mouth.”

Seonghwa puts his head on the table, murmuring, “Take me to the king.”

They continued, with Wooyoung and Yeosang adding about their experiences with Seonghwa’s teeth—as if they were a separate entity. Mingi even went as far to say that he was scared of them; and _he_ was literally someone’s worst nightmare—a giant shapeshifter!

If that wasn’t sad, Seonghwa didn’t know what was.

“On the bright side, he hasn’t accidentally shot you all up with venom, right?”

Jongho recalls a time he viciously wanted to experience a vampire-induced high and fiercely begged all the vampire hyungs to sink their teeth into his jugular. By ‘begged,’ he means ‘hinted at.’ Because he wasn’t bold enough to ask for something like _that_ out loud, he was hoping they’d read his signals. Seeing Mingi in a bubbly daze after a really fiery heat because of Hongjoong’s bite was what really spurred his interest. Seonghwa was the one to finally pick up what Jongho was putting down and he carefully pumped him up with a calculated dose in hopes he wouldn’t ask for any more.

Jongho felt lighter than he ever had before—lighter than air and totally blissed out and content with all the sights and sounds and smells swirling about. He felt stress seeping out of his body, right out of the tiny puncture wounds on his neck that were due to close in the next hour. It had to be equivalent to what weed felt like to humans—it just _had_ to.

But yeah, no. They didn’t need to know of that bit. 

“Nah. Hyung’s not that out of control.” Jongho scoffs dismissively.

“This was fun.” Mingi notes.

“Ditto.” 

“Right!”

“Hopefully ATEEZ grows big and lasts long because we’d love to hear many more exciting stories and crazy antics like this in the future. Plus, it gives regular ole people like me a peek into your everyday lives as supernatural idols, so thank you for that.” Gigi Bae concluded.

Seoknam hums in agreement before giving his own encouraging ending note. 

He concluded it with a ‘you all will go far’ and the boys signed off, thanking the audience for tuning in and giving not-so-subliminal messages encouraging them to stream their music. 

**Author's Note:**

> whew chile the laziness jumped out-- 4k is a lot for my pea brain, okay? be gracious; its only my third day out here


End file.
